It became clear to me how this "road to success" works and the feeling I had in that moment that was telling me it was the wrong path for me. "I don't feel that a young girl who sees a sexy picture of me on a search page is going to be able to get an authentic positive message when I have manipulated her into wanting to look like me in order to like herself." It was at that point the woman asked, "What do you want?" And it was that moment that I realized I didn't know.
How was I going to be able to have the career or life I wanted if I myself didn't know what that was? 2016 was the year that I figured it out. I began to look at the "dreams" so many of us share like being a Victoria Secret or Sports Illustrated model, and I questioned them more than ever before. Not just for myself but for all models and young women who aspire to be one. Could walking down a runway in a thong with wings on my back really be my greatest accomplishment in life? The answer is, "No." Or at least not for me.
With the pressure to sell your sexuality and gain followers fast, I finally understood that I don't want to have to play a publicity game of shock and awe to create a career. That couldn't be further from who I am or what I want. I then realized that I don't have to do any of those things! OMG why have I never realized this before? Maybe because there aren't many example of women in the media who get praise and attention for contributing inspiring and meaningful things to the world. But then again, I have to ask myself why should I want praise for being true to myself and living a meaningful life? Oh yeah thats right, because our society tells us that we do.